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Witch in a Hurry & Witch World Classifieds

Oct 3 2026 | By: Terri Jacobson Photography

Witch in a Hurry & the Witch World Classifieds

Witch World Classifieds newspaper propped against a steaming cauldron in a Transylvania-inspired photography set with red and purple roses.

While planning the Transylvania chapter of Katharine’s Floofy Newfie World Tour, our correspondence fell under a spell. Katharine introduced “Witch in a Hurry,” offering cauldron repairs, rat and spider rentals, spell consultations, and press-on warts. Naturally, I had to reply.

By then, Katharine had already spent months building a Newfie-sized cauldron. Apparently, it also needed a thriving witch business to go with it.

What followed involved unionized rats, questionable business practices, a missing witch, and a potion for teething puppies. Somewhere along the way, the Witch World Classifieds became an actual newspaper.

Here is how it unfolded.

THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER, 3

💬 Katharine
Witch in a Hurry - cauldron repairs, rat and spider rentals, spell consultations and our new exciting line of press on warts! We have received your summons and will forgather in your courtyard or local cemetery tomorrow at approximately 10am. Please set your witch watch accordingly and have a nice day!

—————————

💬 Terri
Witch watch set! I’ll clear the villagers from the courtyard, prepare the cauldron for inspection and warn the resident familiars. If broom traffic delays you, send a raven.

—————————

💬 Katharine
Witch watch recalibrating … recalibrating … ah yes, I will see you Friday the 11th to peruse all dusty corners and sufficient cobweb application for the high priestess and her familiars to forgather in your other world on Friday the 18th. Please inform all rats and spiders accordingly.

—————————

💬 Terri
Excellent. The witch watch is now synchronized across dimensions. I shall disturb neither dust nor cobweb between now and then. The rats and spiders have been notified, and both departments assure me they will be adequately staffed. See you Friday the 11th!

Close-up of the Witch World Classifieds newspaper featuring a Witch in a Hurry ad, propped against a cauldron above glowing embers.

MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 7

💬 Katharine
Dear Witch in a Hurry valued customer, 🕷️ 

As a special thank you for your recent summons we want to share an exclusive offer just for our most important patrons and their families. With the holiday season practically upon us you will be so busy hosting but are you aware of the key to success? It’s rats! Yes, nothing livens up a dull party like a full complement of rats. Imagine how your guest will kick up their heels and scream with delight when you release your Witch in a Hurry Mischief of Rats! A single Mischief is only $17.95 with this ad but don’t stop there! Rent three Mischiefs and get two Mischiefs for free - a complete swarm of joy! 

We hope you will think of Witch in a Hurry next time and every time you host, and have a nice day!😊

 *️⃣ Please note: this special offer includes all our basic rental rats. If you require deluxe laboratory rats a small additional fee applies.

—————————

💬 Terri
Dear Witch in a Hurry,

While we appreciate this generous offer, word of the discounted Mischiefs has already reached our resident rats. They are currently gathering beside the cauldron, carrying very small picket signs and chanting, “No cheap scab labor in the crypt!”

They wish to remind management that they have spent years establishing the appropriate level of dust, disease and general unease throughout the castle. Replacing them with bargain rental rats—however festive—would almost certainly result in revolt, organized gnawing and a complete shutdown of cobweb operations.

There is also the matter of workplace safety. Chili was 2–0 in the killing department this morning, so any and all Mischiefs entering the premises will be required to sign a waiver. Witch in a Hurry assumes full responsibility for all casualties, dismemberments and unexplained disappearances.

We may, however, be interested in two deluxe laboratory rats for supervisory positions. Please forward their résumés, cheese requirements and proof of life insurance.

Thank you for thinking of us, and have a nice day!

Plush brown rat perched on the rim of a steaming cauldron against a dark backdrop with red and purple roses.

WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 9

💬 Katharine
Dear Witch in a Hurry valued customer, 

Per your requirements we put forth the curriculum vitae of two of our finest laboratory rats, Mr Chester C. Bigwiggle and Ms Conchita Von Whiskersnap. Please note that ALL our rats are unionized and work for scale and we frown upon the murdering of our employees - please be advised that proper supervision and work environment hygiene will be required at all times. 

Chester C. Bigwiggle

  • Born: August 17, 2024
  • Employed by John Hopkins Institute 2024-2025. Special interest in airborne vectors. 
  • Hobbies: reading, nibbling, collecting Matchbox racing cars and amateur sleuthing. 

Conchita Von Whiskersnap

  • Born: December 15, 2023
  • Employed by Psychology Institute of Boston, Mass 2024-2026. Special interest in paranormal behaviors. 
  • Hobbies include tarot card reading, crystal balls and collecting earrings. 
  • Professor Whiskersnap said she has read your tarot and sees a tall dark handsome man in your future - species yet to be determined. 

Please let us know if these employees meet with your exacting standards and have a nice day!

—————————

💬 Terri
Dear Witch in a Hurry,

After careful review, management is pleased to extend probationary employment offers to both Mr. Chester C. Bigwiggle and Ms. Conchita Von Whiskersnap.

Mr. Bigwiggle’s expertise in airborne vectors seems disturbingly well suited to the Transylvanian hospitality industry, and we believe his Matchbox collection will fit nicely in the carriage house.

Ms. Von Whiskersnap’s experience with paranormal behaviors, tarot and missing earrings makes her almost alarmingly qualified. Regarding the tall, dark and handsome man in my future, with eight dogs on the premises, “species yet to be determined” does feel like a prudent disclaimer.

We respect all union requirements and assure you that Chili will be closely monitored. I’m afraid I just can’t sign off on their protection. However, both candidates must attend a mandatory workplace-safety orientation, sign the previously mentioned waiver and refrain from running, squeaking or looking especially delicious.

Please forward their salary demands, cheese preferences and earliest available start date.

Thank you, and have a nice day!

Meret, a fluffy black Newfoundland puppy, lounges on an ornate red tufted Victorian sofa in the Transylvania portrait set.

FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER, 11

💬 Terri
The witch watch has spoken: today’s Gallery Reveal is confirmed. The portraits are polished, the cauldron is bubbling, and several extraordinary Floofy Newfies are awaiting your brutally discerning eye. What time will your broom be coming in so that the landing is smooth? See you soon!

—————————

💬 Katharine
Dear Witch in a Hurry valued customer,

We are in receipt of your summons! The broom is on the charging module and should be ready to fly by 9am with an estimated time of arrival in your courtyard or local cemetery at approximately 10am give or take one black whisker. Please have all rats and spiders informed that union representatives are ready to negotiate contracts if they are so interested, and have a nice day!

 💬 Katharine
Dear Witch in a Hurry Multiple Murderer! 

All our union rats have declined further participation in future frolics at the Jacobson Dungeon & Mortuary. Although always admiring of gluttony (as well as all major sins and indulgences) they feel very strongly that three murders a week is a bit rapacious even for the broad minded. Please feel free to peruse our discount scratched and dinged bat collection for your future party rentals but no rats will be supplied. Remember our amazing supply of Press on Warts makes a much appreciated party favor and have a nice day!

💬 Terri

Formal Notice from the Jacobson Dungeon & Mortuary

Dear Witch in a Hurry Rodent Resources,

For the record, today’s unfortunate incident involved an uninvited, non-union rat who entered the premises without a reservation, appearance release or proof of current vaccinations.

The Jacobson Dungeon & Mortuary therefore denies all allegations of rapaciousness. We will, however, review your discounted bat collection. Please confirm that all bats understand the risks of overhead employment and sudden applause.

We decline the Press-on Warts. We grow our own.

Have a nice day!

💬 Terri

Official Statement Regarding the Great Rat Murder of 2026

Now that the giggling has nearly subsided after pulling off the greatest prank of all time, the Jacobson Dungeon & Mortuary would like to issue an official statement:

No rats were harmed in the making of the Great Rat Murder of 2026.

A squeaky toy was gently placed inside a soft trap engineered to activate in response to a random clap. You may recall the sophisticated “Clap On, Clap Off” technology.

Once the trap was triggered, an external noise device produced the appropriate theatrical squealing. Unfortunately, a technical defect caused the squeals to continue considerably longer than intended.

The Gardens Supervisor was immediately summoned and the malfunctioning noise device detached.

This was merely a dry run to determine whether you found the experience entertaining—and whether it might be worthy of further investment for future clients.

Thank you for participating in our market research.

Black witch hat decorated with flowers and a teal bow floats above a steaming cauldron beneath suspended candles and a full moon.

💬 Terri

Dear Witch World Classifieds, 

I would like to place an ad in your Lost & Strayed column please.

LOST—ONE WITCH. Hat discovered hovering above an unattended cauldron, fully dressed and apparently waiting. Owner presumed transformed, transported or delayed by broom traffic. Anyone recognizing the millinery should notify Witch in a Hurry. Under no circumstances stir the cauldron.

💬 Katharine

Witch World Dateline Exclusive:

Breaking News and Crime Report

13 Neverember 1958

Witch Weyward has reported to authorities that whilst out for a pleasant evening spin and a quick stop at her local emporium she was sideswiped by an insane teenager flying a three bedroom two bath house. Said teenager was heard screaming out the window of her vehicle while her little dog barked. Witch Weyward has shared with our reporter that, “It’s a sad state of affairs when decent witches can no longer take to the sky without being mowed down by crazed teenagers and their weird familiars. Why my best chapeau was knocked clean off my head and I have not been able to find it since!” 

If you are knowledgeable concerning the whereabouts of this unsafe teen driver or Witch Weyward’s missing hat please contact us at Witchworld.com. All tipsters will remain anonymous. Teen was last seen wearing blue pinafore and hair ribbons and was accompanied by familiar who appears to be part terrier and part bathmat.

💬 Terri

Dear Witch in a Hurry,

I wish to place an ad in Witch World Classifieds please.

Has Your Little Darling Become A Little Demon?

The distinguished and discreetly disreputable Belladonna & Brimstone Apothecary is pleased to introduce:

HUSH-A-BITE  Fussy Baby & Teething Potion

One tiny spoonful calms troublesome gums, quiets midnight howling and discourages the chewing of furniture, broomsticks, familiars and unsuspecting family members.

Suitable for babies, changelings, imps and unusually floofy puppies.

Available in Soothing Spiderberry, Candied Newt and Extra-Strength Nightshade.

Ask your local witch for Hush-a-Bite today!

Possible side effects include green drool, temporary levitation, prophetic burping and the sudden ability to speak Latin. Belladonna & Brimstone Apothecary assumes no responsibility for accidental transformations or babies who simply refuse to be soothed.

Katharine dressed as a witch holds a potion bottle above Meret, a Newfoundland puppy sitting in a cauldron, with floating candles and roses behind them.
Meret, a fluffy black Newfoundland puppy, sits with her head tilted and tongue curled over her nose against a warm brown studio backdrop.

💬 Katharine

Witch World Classifieds

Seeking comfortable situation:

Lovely dust bunny style familiar. Always to hand - able to self transport and teleport. Leave it one place and find it in another! Time saving razor like teeth, all paper goods shredded instantly. Explosive growth guaranteed just follow the simple instructional manual included with purchase. Former employer notes slight cannibalistic tendencies. 

Follow the Floofy Newfie World Tour

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